Live and Learn

Things I have learned about Vienna in the past 6 weeks:

Little old ladies are usually not that nice. Sometimes they are scary and mean.

People here never work, unless you count those three hours four days a week as “work.”

Banks don’t really want to help you. That’s why they’re closed during lunch hours, after 3 pm, and all weekend. It’s also why the bankers are grumpy.

Customer service is usually not important.

Someone talking loud on the subway is either a teenager or a foreigner.

Teenagers must dye their hair black or platinum blonde and wear as much black as possible. Accessories must then be used to make teenagers look as emo/scene/punk/hard-core/goth as possible.

Anti-Semitism is rampant. Anti anti-Semitism is also rampant.

Turkish people are the European equivalent of Mexicans, and they are taking over.

Americans aren’t the only lazy people around. Yes, I’m talking to you, Mister I-Got-On-The-Subway-Just-To-Get-Off-One-Stop-Later.

Starbucks hot chocolate is just as bad in Vienna as it is in America. Good to know they all follow the same recipe, right? Also, Viennese Starbucks do not serve caramel apple cider because Austrians don’t even know what cider is.

While a 1 Euro coin is about the same size as a quarter, it is not even close to being worth the same.

Americans are expected to know all music that comes from a musician born in the States, as if we have the same taste in music (puhhh-lease). Americans should also know music from continental Europe (ha!).

It’s hard for Europeans to understand that most cities in America don’t have subways and trams, and even harder to understand that we don’t use trains to travel between cities.

As much as they care about walking and eating healthily, a lot of people don’t apply the same healthy-living reasoning to smoking.

At any given time, at least 50% of the people around you will be wearing black. Starting in October, at least 50% of the people around you will be wearing black wool coats.

People here are serious about their trash sorting. Your cleaning lady will yell at you if you don’t sort correctly.

You don’t need to be afraid to wear a scarf and/or coat in September if you’re cold. Others will be wearing them too.

When talking about the weather, you don’t need to say that it’s windy. It’s like saying that it’s hot in Texas in July. It’s assumed.

To make a statement into a question, you can just add “or?” to the end.

If someone says they’re going to go party, don’t think they’re going to an actual party. They’re most likely just going to a bar or club.

The rest of the world really does use the metric system, just like your teachers always told you. Nobody will understand if you talk in miles, cups, pounds, or Fahrenheit. Just remember: 1 mile ≈ 1.5 kilometers, 1 cup ≈ ¼ liter, 1 pound ≈ ½ kilogram, and 80° F = 25° C, 32° F = 0° Celsius.

Europeans are too busy watching soccer and rugby to care about American football, baseball, or basketball (their loss).

While Austrians speak German, do NOT call them Germans. They hate it as much as Canadians hate being called Americans… even though they only didn’t become part of Germany after WWII because the Allies wouldn’t let them. Don’t mention that.

If you make a mistake speaking German, or even speak with an American accent, people will immediately start speaking to you in English. But if you actually ask them to speak English, they get huffy.

Groceries don’t have much besides groceries and bathroom necessities (shampoo, soap, diapers). Don’t think you can buy medicine, batteries, magazines, make-up, cleaning supplies, school supplies, toys, or greeting cards. God may know where you actually can buy batteries, cleaning/school supplies, or toys, but I surely don’t.

Some people get offended if you don’t know where their country is. Come on, like I actually need to know where Romania is!

Cashiers always seem a bit annoyed if you pay with a credit card.

If it says it costs 4,50 €, then that’s exactly what it costs - tax is already included! Waiters are therefore perfectly happy to split bills. Tipping is also not necessary.

Smiling at a stranger makes you stick out as an American. Or, if you’re a guy, it might make you look like a sexual predator.

Being asked for directions can be considered a compliment. If they ask in English, it’s especially fun to note their surprise when you reply in a fully American accent.